I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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