so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
