I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
