before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
