1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
