i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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