Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i think im in europe. pls send help
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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