you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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