I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize