who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
