Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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