this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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