hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
