I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
