Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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