I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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