dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
