The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
