I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
