I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
