Just fell off a train. Bad.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
