I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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