Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
