We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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