ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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