I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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