You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My penis needs a shock collar
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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