i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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