Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
