Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
