i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
