Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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