I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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