Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
