his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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