Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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