If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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