Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
