mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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