I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize