Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
