I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
