Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
