I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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