I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
