Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
