so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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