ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am mentally ready for anal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
