just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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