I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize