Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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