I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
