If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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