Pregnant stripper...not hot.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we're so committed to being not committed
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