I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
