I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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