Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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