How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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