you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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