I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
