I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
