I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They took my balls.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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