I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
