Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize