Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ladies don't puke and tell
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
