nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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