"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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