I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
