my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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