I hate all girls vehemently.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
